I lost weight and kept it off for nearly ten years. Then my mother died 41 days after going into the hospital. I was not expecting to lose my mother that quickly. Guess what happened? I maintained my weight for awhile, and then I started gaining pounds. Even when my clothing started getting tighter and tighter, I could not stop myself from emotionally eating. I lost some weight, and then I gained some back. I recommitted to loosing the pounds and then strayed from my commitment.
My self confidence was quickly getting drained. I was starting to feel like an emotional Yo-Yo. I can do it! No I can’t! I felt like crying and quitting. The further I got from my goal weight the more I felt like a failure, not just on the scale but in many areas of my life. I felt so much shame. The more obsessed I got with the weight gain the more I held on to the weight.
Each time I said, “I can’t believe I let this happen,” or “I can’t believe I have gained so much weight,” I felt more shame and guilt. I know shame and guilt serve no purpose other than to keep a person stuck.
Finally, I began asking myself, “What do I need to do to change things around?” “What positive things can I add to my life?” “What positive words can I say to myself daily?” “Making these changes in my life started giving me a can do attitude. I began hearing myself say, “I can do this!” “I know what to do so just do it!”
I made columns on my huge easel pad and marked down areas I wanted to improve on. I made sure the categories were reachable goals. I was so off track that I needed to feel a sense of accomplishment. My goals, for example, were to feel sexy once daily, journal daily, drink water daily, monitor food daily, eat veggies daily, walk daily, and drink a protein shake daily. Each day I made all my goals I gave myself a bright colorful sticker. This motivated me and made me feel good about myself. I could clearly see I was starting to go in the direction I wanted to go.
Eleven days into my program, I decided to cut out refined sugar. You know, the cakes, candies, cookies, chocolate chips, suckers, mints, ice cream, and anything else that takes away from my healthy eating goals. I am proud to say that today is my 16th day without refined sugar. There was NOTHING easy about doing this. I felt the anxiety, fatigue, flu like symptoms, shaking, lethargy, restless sleep, cravings for more sugar and OMG the headaches.
Today I feel good. Today I understand how addicted I was to sugar. Today I am glad the sugar cravings are gone. Today I realize I had a few weight gain setbacks. Today I realize a setback is not a failure. Today I have my confidence back. Today I am shouting, “I will not quit ever!”
