Visiting With Vlade Divac Made Me Feel Less Lonely In A Crowd

 

By Julie W. Hubbs

Busy As A Bee And Still Lonely!

Ever been lonely even though you’re busy as a bee all the time? Have your gadgets become your best friend? Is there too much white noise in your life and now you want some real friends? Ever felt lonely in a crowd or know people who are beyond busy and still report being lonely and are looking for that special someone? Or maybe you’re that person who is constantly busy and have no time to make new friends or nurture old relationships.

It took me awhile to quit being busy all the time. I understand now that being busy does not mean being productive. In fact most of the time the opposite is true.

We have trained ourselves to be so busy that we don’t even get that our lives have become so full of white noise we don’t remember what it feels like to be quiet. We use our gadgets and games pretty much nonstop to fill gaps of loneliness.

When I had knee surgery a few years ago, I was thankful for my gadgets and white noise. The nights were long and lonely so I would use the internet on my phone to keep in contact with the outside world. Day or night, I would log on to see what the world was up to. It kept me busy and connected throughout my rehabilitation, but when my knee was healed and I physically went back out into the world I was lonely.

Crowds Make Me Feel Lonely.

Sometimes when I am in a crowd of people I feel so lonely. I wonder if anyone realizes I even exist. Networking, the new buzz word, does not come easy for me. I am much better in small groups. After about two sentences I am not sure what else to say. I become so uncomfortable that sometimes I want to exit the room.

Years ago, I was attending a Carmichael Chamber of Commerce Person Of The Year banquet honoring the former National Basketball Association (NBA) player and current General Manager of the Sacramento Kings, Vlade Divac. I was part of the planning committee and loved all the behind the scenes work. Being included was important to me, however I had become the true definition of a wall flower. Tonight was going to be different, I was going to talk to people.  http://www.woodworkerlifecoaching.com/2019/01/17/single-smile-power-change-mood/

The guests were beginning to arrive and I was standing outside greeting people. As I watched the guest enter the banquet hall, I realized I was being as busy as a bee, but I was lonely. I was literally on the outside looking into the banquet room through the window. Holy smokes, I was a wallflower without any walls.

Visiting with Vlade Divac!

In that instant, I decided to show myself some kindness and decided I would start by taking some baby steps. It was time to push through my fears, I didn’t want to feel lonely or left out anymore. First, I had to get off the sidewalk and walk into the banquet room. I took a deep breath and went inside. I was the Honorary Mayor of Carmichael and the local newspapers wanted pictures of Vlade and the guests, and that included me.

Next to expand my social circle. What was making this so difficult? I speak in front of groups all the time. Why is the up close and personal so difficult for me? Other people make networking look easy.

That night I decided to get up close and personal, and I would start by practicing listening to what others were saying. Without any warning, Vlade and I were alone on the back patio waiting for our photo shoot. Those of you who have ever sat with Vlade know he can be very still and quiet, as if he is in deep thought.

There we sat side by side and it felt strange to me. I wanted my white noise and wished I had a gadget to play with. Then, I remembered we had a friend in common, an owner of a local Greek restaurant in Carmichael. I said, “I heard you like Greek food and know my friend Nick.” The next fifteen minutes we “visited” about friends, family, Greek food, public appearances, and his Serbian roots.

One simple question bonded us as humans, and in that moment in time I was not lonely in the crowd.